Raavan Review

Modern-day Ramayan adaptation?

Haha Mani Ratnam…you got me there.

One expects certain routine things when you go for a Ratnam-Rahman combo…an awesome background score, a different topic, beautifully photographed songs, unique lighting…and guaranteed substance.

Most of the above goes same for this movie, except for the story. It ain't a 100% rewrite.

What I feel Ratnam has done by claiming a Ramayan-ripoff is a great promotion strategy for the movie. Because you have registered in your head that it is indeed Ramayan, you know what’s gonna happen to Beera(Abhishek Bachchan), and you try connecting every new character that appears on screen to the epic saga. What then happens as the movie flows, is a normal Bollywoodish narrative converting itself into one with unexpected twists and turns. I mean that it is a simple story, but it is different because you are thinking different with a foreseen ending. Now that’s an idea sirji!

Abhishek comes off again with a stellar performance. I was convinced after seeing 'Sarkar' and 'Yuva', that he’s not another actor basking in his dad’s already-carpeted glory. Aishwarya Rai(as his wife Raghini) also puts forth a fantastic performance. Vikram(as Dev, the righteous cop) does well too. But Beera’s charisma outclasses them.

Now, about the movie. It is a visually extravagant art film with a not-so-strong plot. First of all, MIND-BLAASTING CINEMATOGRAPHY…bravo SANTOSH SIVAN & MANIKANDAN! A tad similar to ‘Before the Rains’, but if you had missed that movie, then prepare to get awed by a never-before captured beauty of south India, including the forests of Karnataka(Tumkur), Kerala (Athirapilly Falls), Ooty, Hoggenakal, Jhansi, Kolkata, Mahabaleshwar and in the Malshej Ghats in Maharashtra. Even with such a diversity in locations, there’s not one moment you feel that the scenes lack connection.

I am not giving away any synopsis, but I would certainly claim that nothing is overdone.

And that I had mentioned the story’s not unique, the screenplay isn’t outstanding either. The pace is slow in the first half, which gets intriguing towards the end. At times you wonder where the movie’s heading, especially at the intermission. But Rahman’s music doesn’t allow your attention to stray(I loved "Behne De") and his score simply enhances Sivan-Manikandan's magic. Some of the shots, especially at the climax, have been taken so breathtakingly that you suspect a Hollywood hand.

About acting other than the core three, none let down. Govinda didn’t have to perform much on-screen, thank you Mani! Priyamani justifies her National Award (for Best Actress last year) by remarkably enacting a role critical to the movie. Vikram’s and Priyamani’s dialogue delivery in Hindi were more or less flawless. Choreography, costumes, make-up(they keep on smearing themselves with either turmeric or mud!) and Ash's no make-up, Beera's brothers...all deserve mention.

If you are a person who judges a character’s pursuit and the influenced decisions he/she makes in a movie (basically who thinks too much!), there will arise debates about Raghini’s feelings, Beera’s doings and Dev’s attitude…but the decision of who’s right or wrong is entirely put to you. For me, it was all Beera.

I am yet watch Vikram as Raavan in Tamil, but I am assured that he’s gonna rock it. Jealousy erupts at the very thought of Prithviraj’s luck to act alongside Ash…so definitely some points off for the Tamil version!

CONCLUSION(according to me!) : Not Ratnam-Rahman’s best work to date, but it will be definitely remembered for Sivan-Manikandan, and the quality acting.

Dussssssssssssss mein se saath! (7/10)

MB Tops – A Panegyric

(This is a tribute to the time we spent at the top of the Main Buliding of National Institute of Technology, Calicut)

LOCATION 1: Hostel room

The days were numbered,

Nostalgia kicked in…

But Tintin always bickered,

“Whadda hell r v missin’?”

The night was young,

our folks were bored…

At once Raj’s arms swung,

“MB Tops!” he bellowed.

Following Raj* n’ Tintin were,

(*who led the way…)

Nair, Sreeraj, HP, Pakpak, Kishore,

Kolady, Bala, Fad, Prema n’ Josay!

We climbed up the stairs,

onto the roof of asbestos…

From the noise, we’d our fears,

To breakage, ‘twas close.

LOCATION 2: MB Tops

Pakpak took his bag n’

some bottles did thud…

We bragged in unison,

“Dude, u r my best BUD**!" [**Budweiser, you imbeciles!]

Coil et al we’d accrued,

(which we’re to cremate…)

Then to a higher altitude,

our bliss did elevate.

Fad sang many a tune,

Strings did Tintin tweak…

Kolady clicked the moon,

N’ a few took a leak.[onto the ATM!]

The dawn was born,

we stopped our chatter…

For the sky had adorn,

its best attire ever.

Myriad colours would twine,

like paints on a palette…

We lauded the Artist divine,

n’ plunged into sleep, quiet.

The morning grew slowly,

Kolady simply looked down…

Dazed he became suddenly,

for he saw the Director frown!

He forgot our case,

n’ left his precious cam;

What befell him was disgrace,

for all he did was scram!

HP got into the act,

at our feet we arose…

Prema fled hilarious, in fact;

with guitar, bag n’ pillows!

Bala tried to get down,

N’ stretched his knee…

“I can’t find ground!” (he said)

Much to everyone’s glee.

HP was caught in flight but,

with the cam you see…

“Sir, this is an archi project!”

He bought that easily!

All in all, I got to learn,

(a couple of things)

from the MB sojourn…

Wherever you are,

high or low...

Mosquitoes will be there,

to add to your woe!

Kanyakumari oft boasts,

of sunsets so beautiful…

Why go the distance,

is it really fruitful?

In my opinion pristine,

(after a bit of ponder)

To view this scene,

no need to go yonder.

Sunrises/sets are a wonder,

no matter where you watch.

All you gotta do is discover,

the right place to catch!

At this ode, perhaps

with words I did fail…

I think the following snaps,

will surely make you hail!

Oh btw, a panegyric

is an expression of praise…

This is one bad limerick,

I’m endin’ dis mental malaise!

CLICK http://picasaweb.google.com/adidash.88/MBTops

Back to drawing after a two-year drought!

Two initials entitled to be yours, forever...M.J.

Our very own 'Super-Villain'!

Preface
I like those serious comic book superhero descriptions; the ones in which they furiously and immaculately write about the character’s origin and powers as if he was one of the possible candidates to run for their country’s presidency. For example...
http://www.marveldirectory.com/individuals/s/storm.htm

I’m just gonna take a crack at this style of writing, and hope it works.
(Note: The character in the following story is almost purely non-fictional. Any resemblance to anyone else other than the person I’m intending to is god-forbiddingly coincidental, ‘cos trust me, two of them are as good as the world’s end! Facts given below are only 99.9% true, the 0.1% spice being the super-villain tag)

NAME: The Wailing Banshee
ALIAS (Real Name): Anonymous
AGE: 21 (Birth certificate-wise…mentally about 20 years younger)
HEIGHT: Not much
WEIGHT: Probably 50-60 kilos
APPEARANCE: Dreary looks, dreary face, dreary eyes, dreary everything.
COSTUME: Wears jeans 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Rumoured to having been born with it. And he possesses only 2 pairs of them. And for the extra day in the leap year, he wears a lungi.

BIO:

Origin is unknown. Legend has it that when he was born, he was the reason why the clan of white storks that once delivered new-born babies in baskets stopped their service for humanity. He consistently grumbled about being delivered in an aeroplane rather than being carried by these stupid creatures, and wanted to be born in a much-cooler planet, like Kryptonite. The stork couldn’t take it anymore and dropped him off at Trivandrum. He was actually destined for the Andamans.

EVOLUTION:

He was said to have led a normal life until the 2nd grade, when his math teacher introduced him to the negative ‘-‘ sign. He never used the plus sign since; he always expressed it as a minus of a minus. He derived immense power from it; the truth is as he tread, life around him began to lose colour. He frequented temple visits just to see an ocean of foreheads sandal-pasted with minus sign. Negative was the only aspect he saw; this continued until he went berserk. His brain was interjected with the belief that the grass is always greener on the side that he never was. Also he ran into the delusion that the forces of nature are all working in collaboration against his survival. He then proclaimed “With the advent of me, this world is going to be devoid of all its positivity, I am…the Wailing Banshee!”

POWERS:
1) Negative Energy Plasmoids: Ability to blast negative energy plasmas with consequences as lethal as brain damage.
2) Positive Energy Vacuum-Clean-ability: Can suck out all possible positive energy - any ounce of bliss in a person, leaving him with minimal options such as jumping off a cliff or driving a knife into oneself.
3) Negative Energy Imbibe-ability: Can absorb all the negative energy there is in the world; this increases the power of his plasmoids. His life is a never-ending fight to beat everyone else’s depression. So as a precaution, people, never look remotely unhappy, even if you broke up, or your parents broke up.
4) Super-stench: This is how his hide-out’s perfectly insulated (or quarantined!).
5) Cross-dimensional Awareness: He knows what everyone is doing anytime, anywhere. His movement is so stealthy that he inspects you for 10 seconds and then vanishes at once by camouflaging his shadow. You are left wondering,”Was anyone here with me right now?”

STRENGTHS:
1) Intelligence: This is showcased in two ways;
a) Resourcefulness: Drying underwear on the UPS.
b) Non-existence of actual Photo Identity: All databases in the world may contain information about him, but sadly they possess his wrong photograph. He achieves this remarkable feat by tirelessly ‘photoshop’ing himself in his every existing picture (Experts claim he increases the ‘fairness’, 'brightness' and 'contrast' features).
2) Ultra-pessimism: Ever read funny quotes about pessimists and optimists? Here’s one hilarious one; http://www.quotegarden.com/optimism.html
In his context, I will define ultra-pessimism.
“An optimist sees the doughnut, a pessimist sees the hole.” [Oscar Wilde]
Me: An ultra-pessimist won’t allow anyone to eat it!
3) Super-insomnia: Saves his sleep throughout the semester for his villainous ventures, only to slumber during the exams. Has been reportedly sighted several times sleep-walking at 4 a.m., in his lungi and shirtless.

LIMITATIONS:
1) Placebo effect: Easily gullible. Take an empty and labeled brandy bottle, fill it with coke and offer him that. He will get sloshed in minutes merely thinking it is brandy flowing down his throat.
2) OMG…that’s it!

HOW HE KEEPS HIS NEGATIVE ENERGY LEVEL IN CHECK:
1) He will discuss the answers to all the questions after an exam, secretly wanting each and every answer of his to go wrong, so that he could plunge into the sea of despair after that.
2) Won’t allow any source of happiness to overcome him. For instance, when he got placed in an IT company, the joy was only an impulse function. The very next day he whined about how the company was gonna overwork him, and that he didn’t have to bear through NIT to get this job!
3) The preeminent of all; Take the most serene part of his life, when he’s got nothing be worried about…he will make sure that he’s depressed – due to the fact that he’s got no reason to be depressed about!

Epilogue
Many a superhero has failed against him; after confronting him, Batman sold Wayne Enterprises and is now leading an isolated life of a monk. The CBI is perplexed; the suicide rates are increasing, and they don't have any leads yet. The Oracle predicts that one girl will eventually stand up for all mankind, and subjugate his evil powers by love. Who is she? The search is on.

Lost in translation...literally!

I thought this one might become a blog for a limited audience...the 'Febin George' fans...but then I realized the humour is for all to hear! So in a nutty nutshell, this one's about Febin George's translating anecdotes.

First of all, lemme introduce the protagonist. Febin George a.k.a Kudiyan is one fun guy and a revered example of a person who falls in the 'Say crap with confidence' category. The very name 'Kudiyan' actually refers to a drunkard in Malayalam...but this didn't come into existence for his boozing abilities, it is because of the fact that anything he utters sounds like one! Now his love for the language Hindi is so profound that although he doesn't understand a word, he assumes he knows it all!

Second of all, these incidents took place in our ever-memorable trip to Goa. The trip in a few words; 11 guys, 6 'Activa's, 3 days, 4 beaches, 2 forts, 2 churches and insanely lovely nights with the unforgettable ambience of live music and cheap alcohol! And Goa in a sentence..."It's a place where foreigners go to see and we go to see...them!"

Third of all, well nothing...here goes:

1) The 'Jaldi' Incident

One fine morning we entered a rather busy restaurant for breakfast. They had only puris and vadas, and they were taking loads of time to cater to even a single table. Since 70% of the customers were teenage gals, we thought to pardon our tight schedule. As we figured new techniques to catch glimpses of them, we cursed our parents for not settling here as somehow our childhoods felt so dry! Going off topic here...so all except Sabu gets breakfast. After having our 'fill', all of us went to wash our hands. So Kudiyan saw an alone Sabu and noticed Arun asking the waiter "Bhai, jaldi laao..." Perturbed by the time we were losing, Kudiyan retorted,"Why couldn't he order puris or vadas,eh? Why does he want to eat 'jaldi' all of a sudden?"

2) Enquiry #1 : How to get to Old Goa?

We were equipped with a map and 6 Activas(couldn't get bikes or cars as they were out of stock) for transport. And as the map had fooled us earlier and couldn't be trusted, we made it a point to ask passers-by at every interval. So me and Kudiyan stopped before an unsuspecting individual (let's call him Alpha) and this is how the conversation elapsed...

Kud: Baaai!!(alpha wonders if he looked like some maid to him) Yeay Old Goa Panaji kaisa jaay...(looks back at me and asks whether 'jaaonga' or 'jaayenge' was correct. I was amused by his belief that everything else he said was perfect!)
Alpha: ?
Kud: Yeay...(points down) kaunsa hey? (Thing is he wanted to ask which place it was but he wasn't getting the Hindi word for place...)
Alpha: ???
Kud: You try to make him understand.
Me: Bhai ye jagah....(Kudiyan cuts me off getting the desired word...it was my mistake to even think that he had accepted defeat!)
Kud: Aaa...baaai...jaga jaga jaga!
Alpha: Yeh junction hai. Idhar se left maaro toh Vasco jaayega. Straight jaayega toh ek aur junction hoga...tum log left math jaana, left toh Panaji hai aur Old Goa seedha jaana hai...
Kud: (Claps his hands thereby establishing his comprehension of the entire dialogue) Thank you baai! (Takes a turn to go back to the others) All sorted out! We can go to Old Goa only through Panaji! (How he came up with that is beyond my comprehension!)

3) Enquiry #2: Should we take a bus or a taxi?

This took place at a bus stop when we were wondering to get to Colva Beach via bus or taxi, since both cost the same. So Kudiyan asked another one (let's call him Beta) where the taxi stand was.

Kud: Taxi kahaa?
Beta: Taxi(points somewhere) idhar milta hai. Tum toh gyaarah log hai na, sirf do taxi lo, ek mein aat jaayega, baaki doosre taxi mein peeche-peeche aayega. Same rates hai.
Kud: (turns to us) He is saying that if we take taxi, first eight will go, then the rest three will have to wait until their taxi is filled by five others, then only it will leave. But the rates are same! (Again, beyond my head. But last time he summarized a dialogue, this time he had the nerve to add stuff of his own! Luckily Arjun heard it, no wait...we would have reconfirmed anyway!)

4) Guessing the road to the highway (Click on image to enlarge!)

I don't know how to explain this by mere words, so I have painstakingly used 'Paint' to draw a description of the area. So at point A, we took the road to B, where a beautiful temple was located. We spent some time there and continued our journey north, looking at the industrial buildings as we sped by. When we reached point C, Kudiyan confidently took a right and zoomed our Activa ahead. The others looked on, wondering if there was any change in plan. Sitting behind him...
Me: Eda, where are you going? Isn't the highway the opposite way?
Kud: No, I'm definite it's this way!
(The others started honking. He stopped and got out of the Activa.)
Me: (easily confused)Eh? Isn't it obvious? What makes you say so?
Kud: Can't you see these white stripes? They are 'going' this way! (It seemed that to him the stripes were invisibly pointing towards the right direction, and only he had the magical powers to perceive it!)
Me: %$#$$%%#!!! (Wanted to ask what if we looked at the stripes in the other way, but I declined, since I knew he would reply that the stripes were 'coming' towards us!)

5) Kudiyan's classic art of dealing

Kudiyan loses his 70 rupee Roy-Bean shades (It's an irony when a good is duplicated and they don't duplicate the brand name. Instead they come up with such killer alternative names!). So he is in dire need of a new and cheaper one. We notice a small stand of shades on the way and stop by. A 10-year old girl approaches us. Let's call her Gamma.

Kud: (Takes one) Yeay kitna?
Gamma: Ek sau pachas.
Me: It's 150 man(Just to be sure he doesn't interpret it as Rs.10).
Kud: I understood that man. Isn't 50 pachas?
Me: Yea.
Kud: Pachas doonga.
Gamma: (In tiny continuous squeals) Nahi nahi nahi...
Kud: Okay okay...(Looks around fearing her dad who might have beaten him up for making her cry) 60 doonga, final(As you guessed, he didn't know numbers in Hindi other than pachas and ek, do, theen...luckily the girl knew English!)
Gamma: Nahi nahi nahi...
(Now me and Sabu take another two, so that we could get a big discount for purchasing three.)
Kud: Abhi 150 doonga.
Gamma: (Again) Nahi nahi nahi...300 last...
Kud: 155.
Gamma: 290.
(Then a series of increments and decrements follow...for every 5 rupees Kudiyan raises, she reduces her price by 10! This goes on for a while until...)
Kud: 180. Only 180. Fixed okay?
Gamma: 200 dona.
Kud: No 180 only.
Gamma: 190?
Kud: No. Yeay 200 rupees. 20 rupees baaki.
Gamma: Dus wapas doonga.
Kud: Okay, deal!
(She goes in to bring the change.)
Me: You are giving 190?
Kud: No, didn't you hear? I fixed it for 180.
Me: And you nodded when she said she will return only 10?
Kud: Dammit, she said 10? Quickly...what's the Hindi for 20?
Me: (chuckling) Bees.
Kud: Bees Bees Bees! Bees do!!

I end the blog with a pic of the shades we finally procured...
The one riding is Kudiyan, and it gives me great pleasure to inform you all he's been placed in 'Sony' today...congrats man!!!

The Mosquito Offensive – Boogeymen in the Loo!

Ever thought twice before taking a pot (or in formal English, excreting!), simply due to fear?

The criterion for choosing the loo has changed. Now it depends on how infested the loo is…with mosquitoes. The process of choosing starts by sneaking through the door and looking at the white vitreous china covered with several black spots, like bombs in a mine field…one slight disturbance and they all blow up!

There are various classifications of people – one of them being those who aren’t affected by a mosquito bite, and those who get big blotches on their skin after they quench their thirst, like me. People like me just rub it slowly to ease the irritation. But in the loo, the level of disgust is so high that after a bite, you would rather leave the area untouched, grit your teeth and gulp down the pain.

If you might have noticed, the guys in our hostels have stronger abs than before. This ain’t because of some anti-obese or morning exercise revolution in the college, rather it’s due to the immense pressure they apply in the abdomen area to finish their ablution off as soon as humanly possible! The pressure once purely abdominal has become mental too!

Remember those days when the loo was the ideal place for bathroom singers to improve their rhythm or whistle their breaths out, while for others, to finish their morning paper or Archie comics? Sadly, it’s all changed now. The mosquitoes are an intelligent breed now. They know our weakness posture, they have realized our moment of utter helplessness when they can swoop down and bite our backs and bottoms, with blood gushing easily due to the strain on our legs.

Therefore I believe in evolution. With Goodknights and All-Outs and electronic rackets undermining their resistance and existence, they have shifted their roles – from night draculas to morning assailants, as well as their battleground – from the bedroom to the bathroom. What an ingenious method of assault with almost zero chance of losing lives…how the hell did they come know that we wouldn’t dare to kill them by merely imagining where they had been resting before?

It’s indeed strange that our hostels, literally being one of the most hygienic in the south (thanks a great deal to the red-uniformed cleaners for that!) could become prey to their breeding grounds. Newer techniques must be created to repel them, like a compulsory socket for All-out in every toilet, or more ambitiously, a centralized mosquito repellant system! What am I kidding…my historic hostel hasn’t changed one bit in the past 50 years (the same old sockets, door and bedstand!). Actually breeding dragonflies is enough (someone should!), for they feed on mosquito larvae. I don’t know about others, but frankly, as a way devised to decrease the frequency of their bites, I now use my towel to beat around my back!

What’s in a name?

[P.S. I sincerely apologize to those who might be offended by the following blog…and will remove it as soon as I get my first threat, for I admit, it’s gonna be sliiiiightly racist…]

Here are some Sri Lankan cricketers;
Uda Walawwe Mahim Bandaralage Chanaka Asanga Welegedara,
Warnakulasuriya Patabendige Ushantha Joseph Chaminda Vaas,
Herath Mudiyanselage Rangana Keerthi Bandara Herath,
Rupasinghe Jayawardene Mudiyanselage Gihan Madushanka Rupasinghe,
Hewasandatchige Asiri Prasanna Wishvanath Jayawardene…

[Kudos to the ‘Copy & Paste’ command! And cricinfo.com!]
I purposely put a comma in between so you guys won’t confuse it as one elongated name. Now, why do names have to be this loooong?! Okay, I can understand to a certain extent…like mine’s not short either…but it ain’t 55 letters!

I don’t know if there’s a similar practice followed in other cultures whether people are “blessed” with painstakingly-stretched names…but since I watch cricket and amongst all cricketers, it’s the Lankans who beat everyone’s asses in the name game.

It’s the Sinhalese tradition to inherit one’s name from the parents, caste, district, village...and the real name! Coming to think what game the ancestors had in mind…they might have been like “Look guys, I don’t want any name repeated. Let’s introduce this inheriting system for making sure everyone’s unique!” And those cunning dudes probably had names like Jose or Peter!

Never mind the weirdness of the anti-brevity, but this also causes problems. Sri Lankan names actually caused computers at Italian Immigration Offices to break down, seriously! Don’t trust me? Feel enlightened by clicking below;

http://www.lankanewspapers.com/news/2007/12/22962.html

And after hearing about C.A.T severs breaking down in several major cities in our country…Lankans might be using supercomputers everywhere! Be it schools, hospitals, banks!!

Because of this aspect, you could start a whole new race of racist jokes…like Sardarji or Sasi jokes…the Lankan jokes. Here are some I cooked up in past 15 minutes;

1) Sri Lankan mother ,”Son, why didn’t you write anything in the Board exams?”
Son ,”Mom, they insisted on writing full name in the answer paper!”

2) How does a suspicious Sri Lankan get questioned by an anti-terrorist squad?
“Spell out your name now!! Fast!!!”

3) How does a Sri Lankan sign?
He simply writes his initials!

4) Why do Lankan theatres show only one movie a day?
‘Coz though the movie is 2 hours long, the credits never seem to end!

5) What would a Lankan remake of ‘Raju Ban Gaya Gentleman’, or ‘Neal N’ Nikki’, be renamed as?
That’s left to you guyz!

6) What’s the most tedious profession in Sri Lanka?
Person who takes the census!

7) Who have the thickest passports in the world? (Including parents’ names!)
Guess!

8) Think of all the certificates (resumes, driver’s license, birth) you need full names, the Lankans will have 2 sheets of each!

9) Think when a baby is born to couple of mathematicians, their conversation will go like, “Hubby, if it’s a boy, let’s name him ∫(-∞ to 0)JWHPCL… , or if it’s a girl….” Or it could be “Honey, can you help me with this permutation and combination problem? I was trying to find a set of initials, but the calculator crashed after 26C10!”

10) There’s this Hindu tradition of whispering the baby’s name into his ears. What if a Sri Lankan followed that tradition? A Sri-Lankan baby to another who had just been named ,”What was that prayer my grand dad just whispered into my ears?” “That wasn’t a prayer dumbass, that was your freaking name!”

11) What’s the usual imposition for a Lankan student?
Write your name 50 times!
What if he repeats the mistake?
Write your parents’ names too!

12) Sri Lankan fairy-tales are like character novels, and character novels are like epics!

13) Think of a dramatic ending to a Sri Lankan movie, where the hero dies halfway through his final dialogue while citing names!

14) A Sri Lankan’s nickname would be his actual name! [Hey…this is fact!]

15) A Sri Lankan filling a sample form;
Name : (blah...blah… saga)
Address : given above!
Parents’ names : also given above!
Hmmm….this is actually economical ink-wise….you could save space on a postcard you know…like just address it to the name!

Oh man…15 minutes and 15 PJ’s...that’s like PJ-a-minute! C’mon, you must have come up with a few yourself by now…chip in!!

Sreesanth n’ Bhajji kickin’ som Lankan ass now(188/4)…adios!