26 November 2009, one of our college mates committed suicide…something that was unthoughtful, unnecessary, and above all…something that could have been easily avoided, needless to say.
The news reached us the next morning, leaving us utterly shocked at his act. Suicide wasn’t the word that occurred to us…whoever knew him were convinced that it was an accident…or even murder…only if it wasn’t for the note he left behind.
The usual game of rumours started, and at the end of the day, academic depression was the answer to satisfy the question “Why the hell did he do it?” But again, we aren’t willing to accept that he was that weak at heart, nor that he was too strong to do such a thing, and that too, at the gravity at which he had done.
I was fortunate to know him because he belonged to my club…and it just took minutes to bond with him. He was talented, fun, heart-warming, innocent…a valuable asset. Though being two years senior to him, he left a significant gash on me…and I decline to even think of the impact he left on his colleagues, and parents.
He did speak of his unlucky tales; attendance shortage, low marks…but he simply passed off everything with a smile…I never would have come close to thinking how much pain he hid beneath that expression…I was grossly misled.
He is nothing now but simply a thought…an evanescent thought…which time will slowly corrode from our hearts. “Out of sight, out of mind”…a phrase I hate because it speaks out its meaning so bluntly, yet it’s true.
But the question that will continue to nag me is why he (a person so conversational) didn’t get personal with anyone. Was his ego so strong that he was led to believe that speaking out his damaged feelings would actually reflect on him as a feeble person? Many people do not seek to share their depression because they believe that it is the result of a personal weakness or character blemish. This is simply not f**king true. Guys, all I want to say is that whatever emotional aspect you have, treat it not by locking it in your head, brooding over it and amassing needless tension…attend to it with your friend’s help…the burden will reduce and you will be able to think straight again.
And Aryan...
We miss you da.
