Preface
I like those serious comic book superhero descriptions; the ones in which they furiously and immaculately write about the character’s origin and powers as if he was one of the possible candidates to run for their country’s presidency. For example...
http://www.marveldirectory.com/individuals/s/storm.htm
I’m just gonna take a crack at this style of writing, and hope it works.
(Note: The character in the following story is almost purely non-fictional. Any resemblance to anyone else other than the person I’m intending to is god-forbiddingly coincidental, ‘cos trust me, two of them are as good as the world’s end! Facts given below are only 99.9% true, the 0.1% spice being the super-villain tag)
NAME: The Wailing Banshee
ALIAS (Real Name): Anonymous
AGE: 21 (Birth certificate-wise…mentally about 20 years younger)
HEIGHT: Not much
WEIGHT: Probably 50-60 kilos
APPEARANCE: Dreary looks, dreary face, dreary eyes, dreary everything.
COSTUME: Wears jeans 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Rumoured to having been born with it. And he possesses only 2 pairs of them. And for the extra day in the leap year, he wears a lungi.
POWERS:
1) Negative Energy Plasmoids: Ability to blast negative energy plasmas with consequences as lethal as brain damage.
2) Positive Energy Vacuum-Clean-ability: Can suck out all possible positive energy - any ounce of bliss in a person, leaving him with minimal options such as jumping off a cliff or driving a knife into oneself.
3) Negative Energy Imbibe-ability: Can absorb all the negative energy there is in the world; this increases the power of his plasmoids. His life is a never-ending fight to beat everyone else’s depression. So as a precaution, people, never look remotely unhappy, even if you broke up, or your parents broke up.
4) Super-stench: This is how his hide-out’s perfectly insulated (or quarantined!).
5) Cross-dimensional Awareness: He knows what everyone is doing anytime, anywhere. His movement is so stealthy that he inspects you for 10 seconds and then vanishes at once by camouflaging his shadow. You are left wondering,”Was anyone here with me right now?”
STRENGTHS:
1) Intelligence: This is showcased in two ways;
a) Resourcefulness: Drying underwear on the UPS.
b) Non-existence of actual Photo Identity: All databases in the world may contain information about him, but sadly they possess his wrong photograph. He achieves this remarkable feat by tirelessly ‘photoshop’ing himself in his every existing picture (Experts claim he increases the ‘fairness’, 'brightness' and 'contrast' features).
2) Ultra-pessimism: Ever read funny quotes about pessimists and optimists? Here’s one hilarious one; http://www.quotegarden.com/optimism.html
In his context, I will define ultra-pessimism.
“An optimist sees the doughnut, a pessimist sees the hole.” [Oscar Wilde]
Me: An ultra-pessimist won’t allow anyone to eat it!
3) Super-insomnia: Saves his sleep throughout the semester for his villainous ventures, only to slumber during the exams. Has been reportedly sighted several times sleep-walking at 4 a.m., in his lungi and shirtless.
LIMITATIONS:
1) Placebo effect: Easily gullible. Take an empty and labeled brandy bottle, fill it with coke and offer him that. He will get sloshed in minutes merely thinking it is brandy flowing down his throat.
2) OMG…that’s it!
HOW HE KEEPS HIS NEGATIVE ENERGY LEVEL IN CHECK:
1) He will discuss the answers to all the questions after an exam, secretly wanting each and every answer of his to go wrong, so that he could plunge into the sea of despair after that.
2) Won’t allow any source of happiness to overcome him. For instance, when he got placed in an IT company, the joy was only an impulse function. The very next day he whined about how the company was gonna overwork him, and that he didn’t have to bear through NIT to get this job!
3) The preeminent of all; Take the most serene part of his life, when he’s got nothing be worried about…he will make sure that he’s depressed – due to the fact that he’s got no reason to be depressed about!
Epilogue
Many a superhero has failed against him; after confronting him, Batman sold Wayne Enterprises and is now leading an isolated life of a monk. The CBI is perplexed; the suicide rates are increasing, and they don't have any leads yet. The Oracle predicts that one girl will eventually stand up for all mankind, and subjugate his evil powers by love. Who is she? The search is on.
I like those serious comic book superhero descriptions; the ones in which they furiously and immaculately write about the character’s origin and powers as if he was one of the possible candidates to run for their country’s presidency. For example...
http://www.marveldirectory.com/individuals/s/storm.htm
I’m just gonna take a crack at this style of writing, and hope it works.
(Note: The character in the following story is almost purely non-fictional. Any resemblance to anyone else other than the person I’m intending to is god-forbiddingly coincidental, ‘cos trust me, two of them are as good as the world’s end! Facts given below are only 99.9% true, the 0.1% spice being the super-villain tag)
NAME: The Wailing Banshee
ALIAS (Real Name): Anonymous
AGE: 21 (Birth certificate-wise…mentally about 20 years younger)
HEIGHT: Not much
WEIGHT: Probably 50-60 kilos
APPEARANCE: Dreary looks, dreary face, dreary eyes, dreary everything.
COSTUME: Wears jeans 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Rumoured to having been born with it. And he possesses only 2 pairs of them. And for the extra day in the leap year, he wears a lungi.
BIO:
Origin is unknown. Legend has it that when he was born, he was the reason why the clan of white storks that once delivered new-born babies in baskets stopped their service for humanity. He consistently grumbled about being delivered in an aeroplane rather than being carried by these stupid creatures, and wanted to be born in a much-cooler planet, like Kryptonite. The stork couldn’t take it anymore and dropped him off at Trivandrum. He was actually destined for the Andamans.
EVOLUTION:
He was said to have led a normal life until the 2nd grade, when his math teacher introduced him to the negative ‘-‘ sign. He never used the plus sign since; he always expressed it as a minus of a minus. He derived immense power from it; the truth is as he tread, life around him began to lose colour. He frequented temple visits just to see an ocean of foreheads sandal-pasted with minus sign. Negative was the only aspect he saw; this continued until he went berserk. His brain was interjected with the belief that the grass is always greener on the side that he never was. Also he ran into the delusion that the forces of nature are all working in collaboration against his survival. He then proclaimed “With the advent of me, this world is going to be devoid of all its positivity, I am…the Wailing Banshee!”
1) Negative Energy Plasmoids: Ability to blast negative energy plasmas with consequences as lethal as brain damage.
2) Positive Energy Vacuum-Clean-ability: Can suck out all possible positive energy - any ounce of bliss in a person, leaving him with minimal options such as jumping off a cliff or driving a knife into oneself.
3) Negative Energy Imbibe-ability: Can absorb all the negative energy there is in the world; this increases the power of his plasmoids. His life is a never-ending fight to beat everyone else’s depression. So as a precaution, people, never look remotely unhappy, even if you broke up, or your parents broke up.
4) Super-stench: This is how his hide-out’s perfectly insulated (or quarantined!).
5) Cross-dimensional Awareness: He knows what everyone is doing anytime, anywhere. His movement is so stealthy that he inspects you for 10 seconds and then vanishes at once by camouflaging his shadow. You are left wondering,”Was anyone here with me right now?”
STRENGTHS:
1) Intelligence: This is showcased in two ways;
a) Resourcefulness: Drying underwear on the UPS.
b) Non-existence of actual Photo Identity: All databases in the world may contain information about him, but sadly they possess his wrong photograph. He achieves this remarkable feat by tirelessly ‘photoshop’ing himself in his every existing picture (Experts claim he increases the ‘fairness’, 'brightness' and 'contrast' features).
2) Ultra-pessimism: Ever read funny quotes about pessimists and optimists? Here’s one hilarious one; http://www.quotegarden.com/optimism.html
In his context, I will define ultra-pessimism.
“An optimist sees the doughnut, a pessimist sees the hole.” [Oscar Wilde]
Me: An ultra-pessimist won’t allow anyone to eat it!
3) Super-insomnia: Saves his sleep throughout the semester for his villainous ventures, only to slumber during the exams. Has been reportedly sighted several times sleep-walking at 4 a.m., in his lungi and shirtless.
LIMITATIONS:
1) Placebo effect: Easily gullible. Take an empty and labeled brandy bottle, fill it with coke and offer him that. He will get sloshed in minutes merely thinking it is brandy flowing down his throat.
2) OMG…that’s it!
HOW HE KEEPS HIS NEGATIVE ENERGY LEVEL IN CHECK:
1) He will discuss the answers to all the questions after an exam, secretly wanting each and every answer of his to go wrong, so that he could plunge into the sea of despair after that.
2) Won’t allow any source of happiness to overcome him. For instance, when he got placed in an IT company, the joy was only an impulse function. The very next day he whined about how the company was gonna overwork him, and that he didn’t have to bear through NIT to get this job!
3) The preeminent of all; Take the most serene part of his life, when he’s got nothing be worried about…he will make sure that he’s depressed – due to the fact that he’s got no reason to be depressed about!
Epilogue
Many a superhero has failed against him; after confronting him, Batman sold Wayne Enterprises and is now leading an isolated life of a monk. The CBI is perplexed; the suicide rates are increasing, and they don't have any leads yet. The Oracle predicts that one girl will eventually stand up for all mankind, and subjugate his evil powers by love. Who is she? The search is on.
