Thursday, February 18, 2010

Lost in translation...literally!

I thought this one might become a blog for a limited audience...the 'Febin George' fans...but then I realized the humour is for all to hear! So in a nutty nutshell, this one's about Febin George's translating anecdotes.

First of all, lemme introduce the protagonist. Febin George a.k.a Kudiyan is one fun guy and a revered example of a person who falls in the 'Say crap with confidence' category. The very name 'Kudiyan' actually refers t
o a drunkard in Malayalam...but this didn't come into existence for his boozing abilities, it is because of the fact that anything he utters sounds like one! Now his love for the language Hindi is so profound that although he doesn't understand a word, he assumes he knows it all!

Second of all, these incidents took place in our ever-memorable trip to Goa. The trip in a few words; 11 guys, 6 'Activa's, 3 days, 4 beaches, 2 forts, 2 churches and insanely lovely nights with the unforgettable ambience of live music and cheap alcohol! And Goa in a sentence..."It's a place where foreigners go to see and we go to see...them!"

Third of all, well nothing...here goes:

1) The 'Jaldi' Incident

One fine morning we entered a rath
er busy restaurant for breakfast. They had only puris and vadas, and they were taking loads of time to cater to even a single table. Since 70% of the customers were teenage gals, we thought to pardon our tight schedule. As we figured new techniques to catch glimpses of them, we cursed our parents for not settling here as somehow our childhoods felt so dry! Going off topic here...so all except Sabu gets breakfast. After having our 'fill', all of us went to wash our hands. So Kudiyan saw an alone Sabu and noticed Arun asking the waiter "Bhai, jaldi laao..." Perturbed by the time we were losing, Kudiyan retorted,"Why couldn't he order puris or vadas,eh? Why does he want to eat 'jaldi' all of a sudden?"

2) Enquiry #1 : How to get to Old Goa?

We were equipped with a map and 6 Activas(couldn't get bikes or cars as they were out of stock) for transport. And as the map had fooled us earlier and couldn't be trusted, we made it a point to ask passers-by at every interval. So me and Kudiyan stopped before an unsuspecting individual (let's call him Alpha) and this is how the conversation elapsed...

Kud: Baaai!!(alpha wonders if he l
ooked like some maid to him) Yeay Old Goa Panaji kaisa jaay...(looks back at me and asks whether 'jaaonga' or 'jaayenge' was correct. I was amused by his belief that everything else he said was perfect!)
Alpha: ?
Kud: Yeay...(points down) kaunsa hey? (Thing is he wanted to ask which place it was but he wasn't getting the Hindi word for place...)
Alpha: ???
Kud: You try to make him understand.
Me: Bhai ye jagah....(Kudiyan cuts me off getting the desired word...it was my mistake to even think that he had accepted defeat!)
Kud: Aaa...baaai...jaga jaga jaga!
Alpha: Yeh junction hai. Idhar se left maaro toh Vasco jaayega. Straight jaayega toh ek aur junction hoga...tum log left math jaana, left toh Panaji hai aur Old Goa seedha jaana hai...
Kud: (Claps his hands thereby establishing his comprehension of the entire dialogue) Thank you baai! (Takes a turn to go back to the others) All sorted out! We can go to Old Goa only through Panaji! (How he came up with that is beyond my comprehensi
on!)

3) Enquiry #2: Should we take a bus or a taxi?

This took place at a bus stop when we were wondering to get to Colva Beach via bus or taxi, since both cost the same. So Kudiyan asked another one (let's call him Beta) where the taxi stand was.

Kud: Taxi kahaa?
Beta: Taxi(p
oints somewhere) idhar milta hai. Tum toh gyaarah log hai na, sirf do taxi lo, ek mein aat jaayega, baaki doosre taxi mein peeche-peeche aayega. Same rates hai.
Kud: (turns to us) He is saying that if we take taxi, first eight will go, then the rest three will have to wait until their taxi is filled by five others, then only it will leave. But the rates are same! (Again, beyond my head. But last time he summarized a dialogue, this time he had the nerve to add stuff of his own! Luckily Arjun heard it, no wait...we would have reconfirmed anyway!)

4) Guessing the road to the highway (Click on image to enlarge!)

I don't know how to explain this by mere words, so I have painstakingly used 'Paint' to draw a description of the area. So at point A, we took the road to B, where a beautiful temple was located
. We spent some time there and continued our journey north, looking at the industrial buildings as we sped by. When we reached point C, Kudiyan confidently took a right and zoomed our Activa ahead. The others looked on, wondering if there was any change in plan. Sitting behind him...
Me: Eda, where are you going? Isn't the highway the opposite way?
Kud: No, I'm definite it's this way!
(The others started honking. He stopped and got out of the Activa.)
Me: (easily confused)Eh? Isn't it obvious? What makes you say so?
Kud: Can't you see these white stripes? They are 'going' this way! (It seemed that to him the stripes were invisibly pointing towards the right direction, and only he had the magical powers to perceive it!)
Me: %$#$$%%#!!! (Wanted to ask what if we looked at the stripes in the other way, but I declined, since I knew he would reply that the stripes were 'coming' towards us!)

5) Kudiyan's classic art of dealing

Kudiyan loses his 70 rupee Roy-Bean shades (It's an irony when a good is duplicated and they don't duplicate the brand name. Instead they co
me up with such killer alternative names!). So he is in dire need of a new and cheaper one. We notice a small stand of shades on the way and stop by. A 10-year old girl approaches us. Let's call her Gamma.

Kud: (Takes one) Yeay kitna?
Gamma: Ek sau pachas.
Me: It's 150 man(Just to be sure he doesn't interpret it as Rs.10).
Kud: I understood that man. Isn't 50 pachas?
Me: Yea.
Kud: Pachas doonga.
Gamma: (In tiny c
ontinuous squeals) Nahi nahi nahi...
Kud: Okay okay...(Looks around fearing her dad who might have beaten him up for making her cry) 60 doonga, final(As you guessed, he didn't know numbers in Hindi other than pachas and ek, do, theen...luckily the girl knew English!)
Gamma: Nahi nahi nahi...
(Now me and Sabu take another two, so that we could get a big discount for purchasing three.)
Kud: Abhi 150 doonga.
Gamma: (Again) Nahi nahi nahi...300 last...
Kud: 155.
Gamma: 290.
(Then a series of increments and decrements follow...for every 5 rupees Kudiyan raises, she reduces her price by 10! This goes on for a while until...)
Kud: 180. Only 180. Fixed okay?
Gamma: 200 dona.
Kud: No 180 only.
Gamma: 190?
Kud: No. Yeay 200 rupees. 20 rupees baaki.
Gamma: Dus wapas doonga.
Kud: Okay, deal!
(She goes in to bring the change.)
Me: You are giving 190?
Kud: No, didn't you hear? I fixed it for 180.
Me: And you nodded when she said she will return only 10?
Kud: Dammit, she said 10? Quickly...what's the Hindi for 20?
Me: (chuckling) Bees.
Kud: Bees Bees Bees! Bees do!!

I end the blog with a pic of the shades we finally procured...
The one riding is Kudiyan, and it gives me great pleasure to inform you all he's been placed in 'Sony' today...congrats man!!!