(This is a comic take on a rather worrying topic; the dip in the female child according to the 2011 census. It’s also a trial at a different writing form; this time, a puerile play.
SCENE 2
(It is a newsroom. Several look busy; the news-lady adjusting her hair and reapplying her lipstick, the cameraman adjusting his equipment, couple of people browsing through the cues and cross-checking with the prompter, peons clearing the area, and the make-up men applying their final touches on the very two convicts belonging to the first scene, but looking very aged)
News-lady: Today we have for our viewers something very special; an interview with the very two activists who pioneered OPERATION ‘GO PINK’ and made India a better place for women….we are very proud of you sirs! What do you have to say about your achievements?
B22: Well it has been a slow process… (blabber…too lazy to type)
C33: Yea ‘twas my idea basically… (chatter… running outta ideas)
News-lady: The next bulletin is an exclusive feature of the paradigm-shifts that the revolution has brought about. Let’s have a look at the most important of them all.
(Gallant music starts playing)
Reservations have been banished! Women constitute a significant number of parliament seats and government positions! Sex-related crimes are at all-time low! Female trafficking though continues on a larger scale… (bluh blah bleh)
Thus we bring our special bulletin to an end. Thank you sirs!
(End of music)
In other news…the headlines are as follows;
Wikileaks lost whatever significance it had in India. It simply couldn’t withstand the competition from gossip.
BBC India buys rights to use Bollywood music in their pursuit to adapt the news-telling of ‘Star News’ and ‘Aaj Tak’ after declining TRPs.
M.S. Dhoni bares it all in this month’s issue of Maxim: Women's edition!
Shiv Sena protests against the calamitous increase in the number of male strip bars in the country.
(Act drop)
SCENE 3
(It’s the same setting as the first scene. This time, only an old and heavily-bearded A11 is present. After a brief moment, enter B22 and C33, but not as visitors as promised, but again as convicts!)
A11: Aah, look who’s here! The revolutionaries are back in their den!
B22: Mock all you want, ‘cos even if you do a Shawshank, you will swim back through all that slush rather than facing the world out there!
A11: You guys screwed that much?
C33: We neva foresaw this yo...eva since they passed the ‘Unforgivable’ act, guys have bin pourin’ into the cells.
A11: WTF is that?
B22: Any man who once confesses to a mistake is liable to be punished under any circumstance irrespective of when the mistake occurred.
A11: You saying there’s no time-line? You have been convicted again on counts of your earlier crimes?
C33: Yea bro, as the saying goes, women never forgive.
A11: That isn’t a saying.
C33: Says the guy who’s bin isolated for a generation.
A11: It’s you two who should isolate your sorry asses…o villains of manhood! The new inmates will so wanna barbeque ‘em! Hell even I might get a quotation!
(Both B22 and C33 stare at him)
C33: Don’t gimme any more cold vibes yo, we have already bin skinned mentally.
A11: When, the interrogation? (B22 nods) By whom, female officers?
C33: Yeha, they unleashed their fatal tool...nagging! I wuda rather got beaten up or faced the ice-torture man...I can even count my remaining brain cells!
A11: Gosh! You actually had brain cells?
(C33 frowns)
C33: So we have learnt an important lesson right? Any gender bettering the other is a problem for the latter?
A11: Pshaw yehaa….it just shaved 30 years off your worthless lives to savour it!
(C33 turns more indignant)
B22: At least you were right about one thing. This whole fiasco seemed cancer-like…the hens overwhelmed us like treacherous cancer cells.
A11: No…it’s a campaign for breast cancer awareness and is held every…
C33: SHUTCHA PIE-HOLE, MORON!
[In order to allay my fears of feminist-attacks, this is a tongue-in-cheek post. Not convinced? ;P !]
P.S: Do pardon the prison language; couldn’t put scholars as protagonists. And why lose the f*ckin’ liberty? Oops!)
SCENE 1
(It is a murky setting of a prison premise. Two convicts, one numbered A11 and the other B22, are seated on the floor, one facing the audience and the other sideways, to their left. Multiple footsteps are heard, followed by the sound of unlocking a key and a creaky door opening to the full. Enter a new convict, numbered C33. He sits next to the one facing the audience. The door creaks similarly shut.)
B22: What are you in for?
C33: Rape…of my maid. You?
B22: (Sarcastically) Rape. Of a minor.
C33: Yowza! My sins are less grave bro…at least I ain’t a pedophile.
B22: You might wanna rethink that, considering she was the only ripe one in my village.
C33: Dang! That sucks dude…what aboutcha? (Looking at A11)
A11: (After a brief silence) Murder…of both the unfaithful wife and her faithful boyfriend.
C33: Double-yowza! Caught 'em in action eh?
A11: Yeha…(with a slight smirk) got them fairly inactive in two neat blows.
C33: Brrrr (No he didn’t have a Coke, you corny jerks!)…how many years are we talkin’ about?
A11: Life.
C33: Oh ok…uh wait, WHAT??!! That’s text-book injustice yo!
B22: No douche-bag, he didn’t mention it was HIS wife. He himself was being two-timed. Or three-timed?
C33: Oh I get it, you mean including that poor sucker right, the husband?
A11: I just chose the wrong day to surprise her.
B22: And the other prick chose the wrong day to score with her.
C33: You did give ‘em one hell of a surprise bro…her buggy hubby shuda bailed you out man. (Pointing at B22) How many have you got remaining?
B22: Me? Two left outta five.
C33: Haha, you do realize she’s legitimate now right? Shucks, you cuda avoided the ‘pedo’ tag!
(B22 returns a grimace)
C33: So I guess we are all un-guilty eh? Now coming to think of it yo…we all have the same god-damn problem man, except you man (pointing at A11), yours is some classic f*cked-up sh*t, but more or less, the issue is the same…that is the opposite sex. We are all deprived of that resource man…think about it, if there were more girls out there, would any of these happen? We are forced into doing all this sh*t man!
B22: So watcha saying? Start a family and reproduce only girls, and make that a role model?
C33: Naw…I mean yaa..somewhere around that line…except we convince every family in those backward settlements to keep that girl child man, she’s gonna save someone from becoming a rapist or a pedophile…more girls tomorrow, lesser crimes yo! We jus’ need to balance out the fish in the pool!
B22: Crazy as it may sound…I think you got a point.
C33: Wicked! I say we plan this thang, and once we get out of dis place in 3 years, we gonna start a revolution man…
B22: Yea let’s start by giving it a name. Something like Go Green…Go girlie colour, Go Pink!
C33: Awesome yo!
A11: Errr…that’s already taken, it’s something related to breast cancer…
C33: Who’s talking to you, Mr. Life-Sentence? We dig this sh*t, we come after 30 years to show ya what we accomplish!
(Act drop)
SCENE 1
(It is a murky setting of a prison premise. Two convicts, one numbered A11 and the other B22, are seated on the floor, one facing the audience and the other sideways, to their left. Multiple footsteps are heard, followed by the sound of unlocking a key and a creaky door opening to the full. Enter a new convict, numbered C33. He sits next to the one facing the audience. The door creaks similarly shut.)
B22: What are you in for?
C33: Rape…of my maid. You?
B22: (Sarcastically) Rape. Of a minor.
C33: Yowza! My sins are less grave bro…at least I ain’t a pedophile.
B22: You might wanna rethink that, considering she was the only ripe one in my village.
C33: Dang! That sucks dude…what aboutcha? (Looking at A11)
A11: (After a brief silence) Murder…of both the unfaithful wife and her faithful boyfriend.
C33: Double-yowza! Caught 'em in action eh?
A11: Yeha…(with a slight smirk) got them fairly inactive in two neat blows.
C33: Brrrr (No he didn’t have a Coke, you corny jerks!)…how many years are we talkin’ about?
A11: Life.
C33: Oh ok…uh wait, WHAT??!! That’s text-book injustice yo!
B22: No douche-bag, he didn’t mention it was HIS wife. He himself was being two-timed. Or three-timed?
C33: Oh I get it, you mean including that poor sucker right, the husband?
A11: I just chose the wrong day to surprise her.
B22: And the other prick chose the wrong day to score with her.
C33: You did give ‘em one hell of a surprise bro…her buggy hubby shuda bailed you out man. (Pointing at B22) How many have you got remaining?
B22: Me? Two left outta five.
C33: Haha, you do realize she’s legitimate now right? Shucks, you cuda avoided the ‘pedo’ tag!
(B22 returns a grimace)
C33: So I guess we are all un-guilty eh? Now coming to think of it yo…we all have the same god-damn problem man, except you man (pointing at A11), yours is some classic f*cked-up sh*t, but more or less, the issue is the same…that is the opposite sex. We are all deprived of that resource man…think about it, if there were more girls out there, would any of these happen? We are forced into doing all this sh*t man!
B22: So watcha saying? Start a family and reproduce only girls, and make that a role model?
C33: Naw…I mean yaa..somewhere around that line…except we convince every family in those backward settlements to keep that girl child man, she’s gonna save someone from becoming a rapist or a pedophile…more girls tomorrow, lesser crimes yo! We jus’ need to balance out the fish in the pool!
B22: Crazy as it may sound…I think you got a point.
C33: Wicked! I say we plan this thang, and once we get out of dis place in 3 years, we gonna start a revolution man…
B22: Yea let’s start by giving it a name. Something like Go Green…Go girlie colour, Go Pink!
C33: Awesome yo!
A11: Errr…that’s already taken, it’s something related to breast cancer…
C33: Who’s talking to you, Mr. Life-Sentence? We dig this sh*t, we come after 30 years to show ya what we accomplish!
(Act drop)
SCENE 2
(It is a newsroom. Several look busy; the news-lady adjusting her hair and reapplying her lipstick, the cameraman adjusting his equipment, couple of people browsing through the cues and cross-checking with the prompter, peons clearing the area, and the make-up men applying their final touches on the very two convicts belonging to the first scene, but looking very aged)
News-lady: Today we have for our viewers something very special; an interview with the very two activists who pioneered OPERATION ‘GO PINK’ and made India a better place for women….we are very proud of you sirs! What do you have to say about your achievements?
B22: Well it has been a slow process… (blabber…too lazy to type)
C33: Yea ‘twas my idea basically… (chatter… running outta ideas)
News-lady: The next bulletin is an exclusive feature of the paradigm-shifts that the revolution has brought about. Let’s have a look at the most important of them all.
(Gallant music starts playing)
Reservations have been banished! Women constitute a significant number of parliament seats and government positions! Sex-related crimes are at all-time low! Female trafficking though continues on a larger scale… (bluh blah bleh)
Thus we bring our special bulletin to an end. Thank you sirs!
(End of music)
In other news…the headlines are as follows;
Wikileaks lost whatever significance it had in India. It simply couldn’t withstand the competition from gossip.
BBC India buys rights to use Bollywood music in their pursuit to adapt the news-telling of ‘Star News’ and ‘Aaj Tak’ after declining TRPs.
M.S. Dhoni bares it all in this month’s issue of Maxim: Women's edition!
Shiv Sena protests against the calamitous increase in the number of male strip bars in the country.
(Act drop)
SCENE 3
(It’s the same setting as the first scene. This time, only an old and heavily-bearded A11 is present. After a brief moment, enter B22 and C33, but not as visitors as promised, but again as convicts!)
A11: Aah, look who’s here! The revolutionaries are back in their den!
B22: Mock all you want, ‘cos even if you do a Shawshank, you will swim back through all that slush rather than facing the world out there!
A11: You guys screwed that much?
C33: We neva foresaw this yo...eva since they passed the ‘Unforgivable’ act, guys have bin pourin’ into the cells.
A11: WTF is that?
B22: Any man who once confesses to a mistake is liable to be punished under any circumstance irrespective of when the mistake occurred.
A11: You saying there’s no time-line? You have been convicted again on counts of your earlier crimes?
C33: Yea bro, as the saying goes, women never forgive.
A11: That isn’t a saying.
C33: Says the guy who’s bin isolated for a generation.
A11: It’s you two who should isolate your sorry asses…o villains of manhood! The new inmates will so wanna barbeque ‘em! Hell even I might get a quotation!
(Both B22 and C33 stare at him)
C33: Don’t gimme any more cold vibes yo, we have already bin skinned mentally.
A11: When, the interrogation? (B22 nods) By whom, female officers?
C33: Yeha, they unleashed their fatal tool...nagging! I wuda rather got beaten up or faced the ice-torture man...I can even count my remaining brain cells!
A11: Gosh! You actually had brain cells?
(C33 frowns)
C33: So we have learnt an important lesson right? Any gender bettering the other is a problem for the latter?
A11: Pshaw yehaa….it just shaved 30 years off your worthless lives to savour it!
(C33 turns more indignant)
B22: At least you were right about one thing. This whole fiasco seemed cancer-like…the hens overwhelmed us like treacherous cancer cells.
A11: No…it’s a campaign for breast cancer awareness and is held every…
C33: SHUTCHA PIE-HOLE, MORON!
(Tableau)
[In order to allay my fears of feminist-attacks, this is a tongue-in-cheek post. Not convinced? ;P !]
