Monday, June 27, 2011

Another bus story


(P.S.: The following note may contain explicit comments that are used in day-to-day life. Uncorrupted minds, please don't report this!)

I was travelling once in a double-decker bus in China. It was a long ride; I fished out a novel to kill time. A few stops later, four kids rushed above and took seats behind me. I smiled at them and they snickered back.

Ni Hao” I meowed to them (That’s hello in Chinese).
“Hello” they replied back. First setback to the first impression.
They: “You from Indu?”
Me: “Yea, I am Indu. You in school?” (Indu is what they call Indians there)
They: “Ya, ya…”
Me: “Which class?”
Silence.
Me: “Level? Standard?”
Still no answer.

The conductor approached them. They told her the destination and she said the price; that being less I decided to pay for them, just for kicks (please don’t make conclusions!). They were all the more cheerful; one kid sat on my lap and asked “Why you black?”
Aah you racist sonuvabitch! “Why you no eyes?”
Not good enough, but if I said anything else they wouldn’t understand. They continued chuckling.
“Why you fat?”
Shux, two of my shortcomings and they had to catch upon that. “You know kung-fu?”
“Meiyo, meiyo!” (No, no!)
“I know Kalari. I kill you with my two fingers!” To which they roared laughing. Money and respect, both gone. I had to get back at ‘em by all means.
“OK, I meiyo Chinese. You teach me Chinese numbers.”
“1 is ee, 2 is ueh, 3 is aa…” Sounds like when I gag myself during tongue-cleaning.

“Ok ok you want to learn Indu?”
“Ya, ya…”

“To say hello…say maa chudha.
“MAA CHOODA!!!” All of them resounded in unison. Their noise attracted other Chinese, who now took a keen interest in learning my Indu language. These kids spread my teachings within minutes; imagine around 10 - 12 people in the backseats yelling out how to say hello! Evil or not, this is fun! I wanted more of it.

“You like Indu girls?”
“Ya, ya…”
“Tell me how to say you are beautiful in Chinese.”
“Ni hen mei li!” (Guys, especially Bangaloreans, I’m doing you a great favour, so next time, when you hit on one of those Chinkis in Forum Mall, thank me!)

“OK, when you see Indu girl, to tell her I like you because you are very beautiful, you should say Mai(they repeated)…tumhaare….bachche…ka…baap…banne…waala…hoon!” (courtesy Satish)
They, alongwith a few others, practised for a while. Amidst giggles, I was speculating the fact that I was only adding fuel to trigger the otherwise inevitable Indo-Chinese war! When they repeated“baeche ka baep”  I couldn’t control and burst out laughing. They understood it was all a prank and pounced on me, taking my book and wallet in the process. They fiddled around with it for a while; I didn’t mind ‘cos the wallet was empty.

The bus halted at their stop. They gave me back my belongings and said “Xhi Xhi (Thank you), babye…” I too bid goodbye and checked my wallet for my PAN card and driving license. Surprisingly, there was money in it. I had a rush of thoughts. I became confused; was it civility for them not to accept money from others, or was it because they took pity thinking I was actually penniless?  Did my ‘good’ deed get rewarded; hmmm...it’s only a reward if they had put extra money…lemme check, nopes, exact as the bus fare!
The protagonists!
I didn’t arrive at any conclusion, so I plugged my earphones and coincidentally…I was listening to Metallica’s ‘The Unnamed Feeling’